I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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