you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
