Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
