Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
