at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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