I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
