I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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