So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
