it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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