I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
