Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
