dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
