at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
