It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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