...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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