i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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