i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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