I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
