By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
