Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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