nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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