at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
