wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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