I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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