Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
