So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
