I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
