The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
