No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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