There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
