well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
