You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
