I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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