Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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