I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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