Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
