Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
