Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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