Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ttyl tear gas
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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