Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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