i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
