We won't sleep together?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
