so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
