i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
