My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
