I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
