My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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