No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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