we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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