I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
