I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
