he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
