dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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