Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
