nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
