I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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