Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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