Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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