Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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