you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
