I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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