I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
