so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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