remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
