He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
