What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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