who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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