dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My ATM looks so different sober.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
