anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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