Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
