ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
