Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
