I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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