38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
