They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
