i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
